The secret of long-lasting relationships

Tips for long-lasting relationships always pop up from time to time. Even this blog can be considered to be another pop-up.

People differ dramatically and so do couples and relationships. Books and movies create a wonderful image of a happily ever after. But that isn’t just achieved automatically, you need to work together to live and grow together.

Brain scans of people who have been happily married for more than 20 years show activation of regions of the brain associated with reward and motivation.

So what’s the secret?

1. Be Honest and trustful

The issues you don’t resolve and the unacknowledged truths likely undermine the relationship. While stalling these issues you sabotage your relationships in the long run. In the initial aspects of the relationships think about all the aspects.

Exciting vulnerability and sharing secrets with one another helps build trust in the relationship.

2. Maintain individuality

It is common for people in close relationships to assume the other person is exactly like the other. Your mind doesn’t want you to accept that someone so close to you is actually different from you. Work upon meeting your goals and don’t let each other’s needs overwhelm you.

Your relationship cannot be your whole identity!

Couples need to try and support one another to evolve into their best self. Devoting energy for goal fulfillment leads to self-improvement and carve out a much-needed space in the relationship. It is important to maintain and respect each other’s privacy as well.

Too much togetherness can also have a bad impact on your relationship. If your partner is your everything then it puts too much burden upon them.

Pursing activates and friendships outside your relationship is beneficial.

3. Better communication

Honest and open communication is very important with your partner. Brining across your needs, feelings, etc. does not mean that you blur out everything to be respectable and keep the other person's feelings and needs into consideration. It prevents minor issues not becoming major problems and helps the couple to overcome hardships

Just don’t listen to what your partner is saying but try to understand the emotions lying underneath those thoughts. Emotional attunement will level up your ability to understand and respond to your partner.

4. Understand each other's love language

Every person has their their love language. It is a distinct way of expressing and experiencing love. It can be through words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. You have to be attuned with your and your partner's love language to express and experience love the way you want it.

5. Check-in with your partner

In a healthy relationship, both partners make adjustments for the other. Usually initially is a 50/50 slit but with time it seems to go away. If there is just one partner who gives and gives but never receives anything in return, they start to feel resentful. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. The magic portion is to set up regular check-ins with your partner every 15days. Talk about what you appreciated most during the past weeks. Discuss your issues and finally show gratitude to each other for the check-in.

6. Have healthy conflicts

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t ever have disagreements. If you think you could be with someone without having conflicts, then the first conflict your relationship would meet is the doomed end.

Learn strategies to have healthy discussions. When a conflict starts to arise highlight how much the relationship and your partner mean to you. Avoid the blame game and be as generous as possible. Never try to be the winner but rather concentrate on resolving the issue. Towards the end focus on reconnecting.

John Gottman, a relationship expert says that happy relationships have a 5:1 positive to negative ratio. This magic ratio means for every negative interaction with your partner you need at least 5 happy interactions to nourish the love. The research found out that more couple-focused pronouns like – we, us, our helped couples get through arguments than pronouns like – I, me, you. The couple-focused pronouns come across as being more affectionate, less angry, and reducing stress.

7. Be realistic

Rom-coms set up a dramatic and colorful portray of what a relationship should look like. Instead of expecting a whimsical type of love, evaluate what you want from the relationship and set your expectations according to that. Don’t compare your relationship to others. Remember the grass always looks greener on the other side. All relationships are different, go through ups and downs. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling your relationship is inadequate.

8. Keep the relationship exciting

With time you need to put in efforts to keep the relationship fresh and new. The ability to laugh with one another is a true sign of vitality in a relationship. Have moments where you laugh together. Set up goals together with your partner. Plan the future together. Keep the romance alive go on date nights, try new things and experiences together.