The 5 Love languages

The five love languages are: Words of affirmation Acts of service Receiving gifts Quality time and Physical touch.

The 5 Love languages

Love language is a concept about how we receive love from others.

Every one of us has our unique love language. By learning your partners and your love language you can improve and build a stronger relationship with them.

Dr. Chapman came up with the concept in his 1992 book The 5 love languages.

The 5 love languages book

He did this by discovering a pattern in couples in couples. The problem with these couples was that they were misunderstanding each other’s needs. He mapped out 5 communication methodologies couples used to have.

The five love languages are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Acts of service
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Quality time and
  5. Physical touch.

Words of affirmation are about saying supportive and loving words to your partner. It is expressed affection through praise, appreciation, or words of love.

Verbal communication has to be encouraging, supportive, appreciative, and affirmative. For someone whose primary love language is this, they would enjoy praises, kind words, and verbal encouragement. Cute texts or telling them how amazing they are light up their day.

When a partner validates us through verbal communication, the positivity in our self-image is increased. We start feeling good about ourselves.

Dr. K lively says that affirmations can reprogram our subconscious to help create a reality we want. Even positive psychologists believe using affirmations can improve cognitive reasoning and strengths the frontal lobe.

Acts of service are about doing helpful things for your partner. They feel loved when someone does little thoughtful acts like helping them with chores. Dr. Chapman says that this form of nonverbal form of love can be time-consuming and exhausting. It makes your partner realize that you are empathic and care about the little things in life.

Giving/Receiving gifts is about giving your partner gifts that make them know you were thinking about them. They treasure the gift as well as the time and effort that were put in by the partner. The want isn’t for expensive or luxurious commodities. It is about what goes behind buying the gift. Gift-giving increases the feeling of satisfaction and reinforces positive acknowledgment.

Quality time is about spending meaningful time with your partner. This means giving your undivided attention to your partner. The central tendency is togetherness. People with this as their primary love language prefer quality over quantity. They feel loved when you focus on togetherness. Being together in the same place doesn’t necessarily mean you are spending quality time together, there has to be meaning in the time spent together.

Physical touch is about being close and caressed by your partner. It is much more about being intimate.

Physical touch can feel both romantic and platonic. A romantic touch while your partner is having a fever is a bad idea. At such time, a platonic touch such as keeping your hand over their head communicates that you care and your presence makes them feel secure.

The idea behind this love language is simply about being physically close to your partner. Touch is the first sense that we acquire as we develop during childhood, hence it plays a huge role in our social and behavioral development. Research has shown that touch is an important means of communicating emotions.

To understand your love language Answer the questions -

· Do you feel loved when your partner says I love you or praises you?

· Do you feel loved when your partner surprises you with gifts?

· Does helping you with chores make you feel loved?

· Is spending one on one time quality time with your partner is what defines love to you?

· Is being physically close to your partner what makes you feel loved?

Answers to these questions can help you identify your love language. You can also look back at your past relationships to see what acts made you feel loved. It is also important to know and understand your partner's love language. It isn’t common for partners to have the same love language and this is bound to lead to misunderstandings.

Expressing love to your partner the way they want to be loved promotes selflessness. When you go out of your way to understand others love language you focus on their needs instead of your own which is the central idea of love language. As you start to learn about how your partner experiences love you empathize with them. In an attempt to learn you start to connect with your partner at a deeper level which makes increases your intimacy.

Dr Chapman says that the concept of love language might have started with couples but it does not have to end there. It can apply to your kids, parents or friends. so understanding and knowing others love language improves your relationship with all.